Expectations are based in desire but often built on “story”. We have a story that will play out in our expectations (sometimes unconsciously) until we bring that story in to light.
Expectations also almost always contain the elements of fear and assumption. Often we fear that our expectations will not be met and what we interpret that to mean about ourselves (not usually anything positive). AND we often assume the other person knows our expectations without us having explicitly stated them and yet are disappointed when they don’t meet them.
Expectations are not bad and we all have them as humans; however, it is very helpful if we can get clear on the expectations and what is behind them fueling them.
What is desire that underlies the expectation?
What is that you really want?
What is the fear that comes up if you imagine the expectation not being met?
What is the story around this expectation?
It is helpful to ask yourself these questions as you hold you expectation in your mind. This will help you get clear on the expectation and boil it down to more precisely state and own your desire for yourself and to possibly share it with someone else.
Another helpful approach when working with your own desires and expectation is to look at your own methods for resourcing. In other words, what will you do and how will you care for yourself if the desire is not met by the other person? Knowing that if the desire is met then that is a delight but if it is not met then you will be ok because you have tools to care for yourself and restore and you can still honor yourself for the courage it takes to explicitly own your desire.
Once you have gotten very clear on the desire behind the expectation and acknowledged the fear of it not being met AND determined resourcing tools for yourself to be safe and feel cared for THEN clearly sharing a desire with someone you care about is tremendously powerful, sexy, and vulnerable.
Go for it! Be brave and bold in owning your desires and the world will unfold before you. Your desire is beautiful!!
In deep love & honoring,
