From a sexless marriage to becoming a sex coach, Dr. Stormy will teach you how to create a daily pleasure practice to bring more joy and sexiness to your life!
What to expect this week:
1) Hear how Dr. Stormy’s journey will positively impact your own
2) Learn a simple 5 senses embodiment practice (timecode 1:07)
3) Understand how you are FULLY and WHOLLY responsible for your own pleasure (including your own sexual pleasure) and how this will be so liberating! (timecode 10:15)
Also available on all your favorite podcast platforms at Love Deep Lab Podcast! (Itunes, Spotify, Google and more)
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Deep love and honoring and until next week…. stay sexy!
Transcript for Episode 2
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
sex, practice, life, work, pleasure, journey, marriage, fabulous, sexuality, son, feel, sexual pleasure, tantra, breath, brain, power, experiences, sex drive, love, science
Welcome to the love deep Lab podcast helping you integrate sex, sexiness, sacredness and science in your life and your body. And now, your host, Dr. Stormy.
Hi, and welcome to the love deep Lab podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Stormy. Today’s episode is all about my journey and me getting to share with you my journey from going from a passionless (mostly passionless) marriage and my own disconnection to my own passion and sexuality and my power to being a sex coach, a sex educator and guide and using my sexual energy and power as the driving force in my life. And I’m so excited to share with you today a little bit about my journey and how I got here and why I’m so excited to be your host, and to guide you through these practices week to week.
So let’s just begin…. if you are driving or reading or anywhere, besides just listening quietly, then don’t join us. But otherwise, I invite you to just take a moment and close your eyes or soften your gaze and turn your attention inward, even while you’re listening to my voice or watching the screen with me on it, but turning your attention inward. So often in life, our attention is drawn outward. And just in this moment, turning your attention inward with your breath, drawing the breath in through your nose, down into your belly and exhaling out the nose or mouth. I’m going to exhale out my mouth to let go of the tension of the day. Drawing the breath in through your nose all the way down into your belly and exhaling through the nose or mouth all the way to empty. And now I just invite you to go ahead and open your eyes softly. And just take note of five things that you see in your current space where you currently are in this moment and list them in your mind.
And now making note of four things that you feel…. might be where your sitting or something you’re holding, maybe the sun on your skin or the breeze, anything at all. Listing four things that you feel in this moment. And now three things that you hear. My voice will probably be one of them. But what are two other things maybe a little subtler that you hear in your space, wherever you are in this moment? And then to two things that you taste, could be your lunch, could be your tea, anything at all even your toothpaste. And now turning your attention to one thing that you smell.
So that is a simple 45 second practice and embodiment practice that is about being in our senses. So working with five of our eight senses and in other episodes, we’ll talk about all eight senses, because I love working in the senses and the sensory processing. I mentioned I’m a total brain geek. So each episode is really going to be based a bit in science for sure. But just by where our sensory input is processed in our brain will get you out of the reactive mind that non thinking in the limbic system, the primitive brain and into the thinking part of the brain. So that’s a really powerful practice to do. You can do it anywhere, anytime. And to ground you and your body and to bring you into present moment.
And what a beautiful way to start today’s episode by being here together in presence. So thank you for joining me in that little activity. So now to my journey as it relates to love deep and why I’m here doing the love deep love podcast with all of you. I’m going to go back to when I was five years old. I’m super fiery and very stubborn. And I decided that I wanted to be a doctor when I was five. I spent my whole life from that point on making that dream a reality. And I did it. I graduated from med school. I have my medical doctorate and I have that title. And it was a beautiful journey. Lots of studying, lots of hard work, lots of rejections, lots of failures, lots of successes all to get there. And it was really powerful to me to graduate from medical school. I had planned on studying psychiatry, and doing my residency in psychiatry and adolescent psychiatry. And then I chose to stop practicing medicine and so much more on that later but my son at the time was really sick and I didn’t want to miss his life if his life was slated to be short. So as much as I love medicine, I love being a mom that much more. The reason I say that is medicine is such a part of me. I love science. I love how the brain works. I love how the body works. I love how our brain body are connected. I love how our brain, body and soul and our brain, body, soul and sex are connected. But really, my roots were in science and they still are, so you will hear me in every episode talking about the science, the physiology. I just love to find things that are sound and look at what the research says. And there’s a lot of beautiful things that Western medicine has to offer. And then, you know, it ended up not being for me. I ended up not practicing medicine, but I don’t look at that as a loss or a lack. I loved medical school. I loved my boards. I loved all of it. I mean, not in every moment. Don’t get me wrong. There were some hellacious moments, working 80-100 hours a week, things like that. The MCAT, the boards, all of that is not certainly high points in my life. But I love my background in science. And I have a huge part of my brain that really relates to science and figures and research. So I will be sharing that with you, as we move through all these love deep Lab podcast episodes.
And then I think the next big phase, if I look at my life, as a trajectory was marriage. I was married really young and I married a man that I had known my whole life. We both grew up in a small town together,and his little sister used to babysit me at the pool and things like that. And we our families really knew each other, and we fell in love, and we got married. And I was really young. So I will say that, and I think it’s a big part of it. Because I wasn’t the same in my early 20s as i am now in my mid 40s. I’ve grown so much because we get wisdom from being on this earth. And that’s not to say that we can’t have wisdom in our youth. But there is something about wisdom of experiences and wisdom of time on this earth. And you know, so I didn’t have that, right? I couldn’t have that. But we were in love. So we got married.
And he made me laugh. That was the that was a big thing for me as he made me laugh, and I love to laugh. And our marriage was tough. If he were sitting here with me, he’d say the same thing. My marriage was never easy. We did not have an easy marriage. And we struggled a lot with really intense issues and and we just never found our groove. We never really connected but we there was something about it. We felt like we were meant to be together and that we believe that we were brought together to create our son together. And that everything else after that was just kind of my stubbornness and his stubbornness and really trying to make it work. And there’s something beautiful about trying to make it work. But in hindsight, we were so incompatible. AND I have no regrets because he is an amazing father to my son, to our son. And we created this beautiful, magical human being together who is my greatest teacher on this earth for sure. But you know, we struggled, and we struggled a lot. And we struggled sexually a lot, we saw sex therapists in Western medicine. And that was where I really began to feel like, for me, Western medicine in regards to sex and sex therapy was really lacking. I didn’t know what it was lacking, because you don’t know what you don’t know. But it was lacking something for me. And it helped a little but it didn’t really help. And so we struggled with sex, our entire marriage. It was a source of conflict. It was a source of hurt. It was a source of not being honest with each other. It was just a source of tension and, and pain and sorrow for us for our entire marriage. And there’s no blame at all. I mean, I think I probably used to blame a little bit. But I did a lot of work to integrate that. So I don’t really feel any blame. He and I co-parent almost seamlessly. And he is a fabulous dad to our son. So thank you for that to his dad. But we just couldn’t find our groove and we never did. And I didn’t have the skills that I have now. And neither does he have the skills that he has now. But I just turned off my sex drive. I turned off my connection to my sex and my sex drive and my sexual pleasure, because it was too painful. It was too muddy, it was too murky. It was too painful. So over time over the years I turned off my sex drive. We were married for 10 years and together for 12 years. And I didn’t even really know I turned it off. I mean, I kind of remember thinking….. I’m never gonna initiate or he’s never gonna initiate again, or whatever the dynamic was. But it was a dynamic, so I feel equally responsible. And there’s no blame but equally responsible for the dynamic that we had in our marriage regarding sexuality.
And I’m going to say this because it’s a really powerful pearl. I am fully responsible for my own pleasure in all areas of life, including my own sexual pleasure. So I’m gonna say that again, because it’s can be a tough one to let land but to all of you listening… you are fully and completely and wholly responsible for your own pleasure in life, including your own sexual pleasure, including your own orgasm. And I say that because it’s so liberating when we start to practice that, we start to reclaim our own power in regards to pleasure and in regards to sexual pleasure. And you’ll hear more on this in future episodes, but you can have fabulous sex with yourself, you don’t need a partner for fabulous sex. So for those of you who are listening and are single…. you can have fabulous sex. I want you to. You will have fabulous sex with yourself.
Taking full responsibility for my pleasure was a huge part of my healing and my journey to becoming a sex coach and to becoming a sexuality educator and guide. And I love that piece. I love working with my clients on that piece. We will be talking about that in these love deep Lab podcasts about how do we reclaim sovereignty? How do we reclaim our sexual power and our sexual pleasure?
And along that journey in my marriage, I became a mom. And it’s the best, it is one of the very best things in my life, and I learned so much from being a mom. Absolutely. And my son is is truly my greatest teacher on this earth. And he’s amazing and challenging, and all the things all at once which all of you who are parents out there listening can totally relate to. So it’s the both and,right? It could be all of these things at once. But in regards to my own journey, my own sexuality…. we had to work really hard to conceive a child, and we had to have help. We had high tech in vitro times two, I had an incredibly traumatic birth experience…. a near death experience, actually. And then my son got really sick when he was three months old with a life threatening illness of heart disease. And there was so much heaviness and scariness and intensity and big T trauma and little t trauma going on that sex wasn’t even on my radar. I turned off my sex drive even more, because I was so drenched in just surviving, right? And I’m sure some of you out there listening can can relate to that. When we are in survival mode, pleasure falls to the wayside. Our pursuit of pleasure falls to the wayside. And I was in survival mode for so long with with my son and in my marriage that I just lost my connection to my sexual power.
And I know some of you parents out there can relate to when we have children, how it changes our relationship to sex. How our connection to our own sex and sexuality changes. It can change for the worse. But I will tell you, and I’m so excited to share with you….It can also change for the better. How do we reconnect with our bodies and our sexuality after having children? Whether we are the mom or the dad. And so just know that you can and you will reconnect with your sexualit. You can connect with it in an even a better, deeper, faster, more fabulous, and more accessible way.
And I think the next big thing in my life was that I changed careers. I became an occupational therapist. And it was because of an OT in my son’s life that really impacted us and changed his life and my life. And I became an OT and I love being an OT – a mental health OT. That’s why mental health is such a big part of this love deep love podcast and such a big part of my heart…mental health practices and mental health wellness. So we will be incorporating that into episodes as well. I love being an OT. It’s a much more holistic approach. For me, it’s a much more creative approach to working with the mind and body. And so that was a big part for me. And I started to feel connected to passion and purpose. And that started to wake me up, and I started to feel alive. I started to feel energized and vibrant. And I was still married and I was still a mom and all these things. But I found something that really lit me up. And that was the beginning of my reawakening, so to speak.
And then I went through divorce. There’ll be episodes coming on divorce and how to get your sexy back during and after divorce. But it was of course painful. It was challenging, but it was also for us the right thing. my ex husband would agree and we parted ways very consciously. Thankfully! we worked hard at that. But I was now in my mid 30s and single for the first time in a very long time and terrified. I was terrified. I was excited too but I was mostly terrified. And you know the same old story is “nobody’s gonna want me” or “I’m too old”. All the things that we are told and we tell ourselves that are total bullshit. But we do nonetheless. And so dating was scary and new and all of that. And I felt like I had very little sexual experiences and I didn’t feel confident in the bedroom. I didn’t feel confident in myself. And so that was my beginning and my rocky start to dating post-divorce. And I did online dating and I could go on and on about that. But for me, that was not a fabulous platform. And I have some hilarious stories about online dating and had a few good experiences as well. The thing was….. I was trying to develop and build experiences which was really powerful for me.
And then I had a sweet friend, a friend lover, who introduced me to Tantra, and that has changed my life. He introduced it to me. I had never heard of it. I had never experienced it. And then I, I don’t know if you’ve ever had this, but you when you find something, and it just you there’s such a deep knowing and familiarity in your body that you’re like, “I feel I felt this way, my whole life, I just didn’t know what I didn’t know”, right? So I couldn’t get enough. So I was ravenous in reading and studying and taking courses and practicing myself and practicing with my lover. And Tantra was, for me, a life changing and still is a life changing practice. So we absolutely are going to talk a lot about Tantra, and Neo Tantra, and Taoist practices and all this fun hybrid that I love to practice.
But I will begin to start with saying that Tantra for me was the start of my journey into fabulous sex. My journey into fabulous sex with myself. My journey into understanding breath and body and presence and my journey into Sacred Sexuality. And it, it was life changing. I can’t wait to share more with you about it. I can’t wait to teach you about it. And I can’t wait to for you to start this journey for yourself, if that’s feeling congruent for you.
So when I look back on my life, my personal development really started with the work I did in medical school and psychiatry and therapeutically on myself. That’s where I would say it started. And then Yoga has been a big part of my life really strengthening that mind body breath connection, finding the balance between strength and grace, and the beauty of breath for me. And then I tried meditation but I kept saying , “I’m terrible at meditating”, which we will talk about in other episodes, but if you say that to youself……you’re not, I promise you, you’re not a terrible meditator. That’s just our story and our brain running the script. So I went to breathwork because breathwork was active and it was more yang and I could do breathwork “better”. I love breathwork. There are like 17 known physiologic benefits of good breathing, and we will talk more in future episodes, and we will do breath practices together. But I love breathwork. I will suffice by saying that there are grounding practices within breath. And there are alerting practices within breath. They’re both fabulous. So Yin and Yang.
And then I went back to meditation and i am a daily meditator. It’s a huge part of my daily practice. It is my stillness practice for me. And meditation was another way to to build that stillness and to get comfortable with being with myself and with my thoughts and with my busy mind and with my anxious body, whatever state my body was. A practice in equanimity and acceptance and presence….the both/and rather than the either/or …..of literally everything. So we will talk about mindfulness and going to teach about mindfulness and sex. Okay, so that’s coming in, I’m so excited.
You can hear that I have content spilling out of me, and I can’t wait to share it with you. So that was kind of my journey. It’s just been an evolution and I am in daily practice. I am here practicing with all of you. It is not a destination and is not something you arrive at. I will tell you…..you may think oh…..she’s a sex coach, she must have you know it all together in the realm of personal development and sexuality and I can tell you…..hell no.I have come a long way and I am a work in progress. I hope I am learning and growing and practicing into my last breath. And so I get to be here in practice with you all.
And it has been a beautiful journey but I will say now that my connection with my sexuality, my sensuality, my seat of my power IS my sexual energy. I’ve run it through all areas of my life – my work life, my partner life, my mom life, my friend life, my sister life, my sex life. It’s about a deep connection to that root to that energy to that power. And I have learned to practice. I have learned to move it. I have learned to cultivate it. I’m not always in touch with it, but it is always there welcoming me home. And that’s why I will say for you all that is there it is available. I can’t wait for you to practice it.
It is about owning your pleasure, and starting to practice pleasure as a practiceevery day. So I’m going to give you each episode sexy homework. So Your sexy homework for this week is to have a daily pleasure practice. That does not have to be sexual pleasure …. it totally can be but doesn’t have to be…. but something each day that you do thoughtfully and consciously and with awareness of exercising that “pleasure muscle” . Saying to yourself, yes this brings me pleasure. this feels pleasurable. And doing something each day that brings you pleasure. It could be literally anything – a cup of tea, a walk outside, exercise, sex, self-pleasure, a hug from someone….. anything that brings you pleasure and taking it in and letting yourself feel it! Starting to build that pleasure muscle and raise that pleasure ceiling so you can experience more pleasure in your life and in the bedroom. So that is your sexy homework for this week. I can’t wait for you to join me next week. And thank you for being brave and opening your hearts to LOVE DEEP!
